All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
Well I’ll tell you where one of them comes from. Houston,Texas. Northwest Houston to be specific. Lonely is an understatement as to how I have been feeling, along with lost, broken, vulnerable, gloomy, and hopeless. I do not know how this dark point in my life started, I just know that it did. So many relationships around me have been jeopardized or lost from the people who I thought I’d never lose trust in. I wish I could just press a button and permanently forget everything that has happened in these last two weeks, but unfortunately no one has invented such a device. I have lost trust in my own father, I don’t even know who my sister is anymore, and I’m losing my great Grampa. I have no one to talk to about these things, so I turn to this blank page to fill in a summary of all the burdens that have been clouding my mind. It’s pathetic I know, but I have no choice. My father did something to me, my family, and most importantly my mother. Something that scarred me eternally, caused me to never look at him in a completely different way, and caused me to lose the microscopic bits of faith in marriage and relationships in general. Why he did it? I will never know, I don’t even believe he knows the reason. But it was something that has broken me forever. My sister……who is she anymore? I couldn’t tell you the answer. I know who she USE to be. I USE to see her as someone I wanted to become, someone who was strong, caring and most importantly someone who I respected with everything. But now that is lost, and it will never come back. I can’t say what exactly happened because it would take me forever to describe how hurt I am from her actions. This year has made me realize that we are not compatible in living with each other, but that I no longer aspire to be like her at all. To others it seems like we have the normal sister sister loving relationship, but its nothing. All my Respect has been lost for her, and all I hope is that one day she learns to respect herself. Maybe our relationship will never be mended but my wishes are for her to realize what is best for her, and that is not him. She is worth so much more. My great grampa is slowing dying and I have absolutely no control on that. I was not even able to visit him with my family for what could have possibly the last time they ever see him, and I wish I could have. It hurts me to know about the pain he is experiencing right now, I just want that to all go away for him. I wish so many things right now. A series of unfortunate events. That’s what this all is to me. I just want to lay in the middle of the street right now as it rains and feel the rain drops splatter on my body, feel the peace that the rain brings to me when I hear it splashing. Because rain can’t hurt me. Rain doesn’t have the ability to make me feel as if my life is being shattered into an infinite amount of pieces. My hopes are that his post is too long that people skip right by it. If you do happen to read to this point, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for wasting your time on a story you probably find beyond pathetic. I just want to feel happiness again.
